


The Pain of Love

by BloodyBrokenAngel



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: And a Hug, Atmosphere changes, Bilbo needs a break, Canon Compliant, Canon Death, Dreaming, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Frodo is adorable, I'm Sorry, M/M, Unfair tickling, Why do I do this to you Bilbo?, but Thorin can give him one of those
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 12:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4787477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyBrokenAngel/pseuds/BloodyBrokenAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo had lived his life. He was happy with it, but there were still things that he dearly missed; and he would never forget them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pain of Love

Bilbo Baggins felt…cold.

Not a bone freezing cold, but more of the gentle caress of a winter’s morning breeze. He pulled the blanket covering him closer to his body, trying to fight the cold feeling away. Rivendell had seemed colder to him lately, no one else seemed to be affected by it though, so maybe it was just him.

He was getting to quite an old age by now. 

Bilbo knew that his time in Middle Earth was nearing its end. His memory was fraying around the edges, his body becoming frailer every day. 

All he wanted to do was live a little longer to see his Frodo one more time and maybe that ring again.

It was nearing mid-day in Rivendell, but Bilbo was still tired. He was always tired these days. Not like when he was young and went on adventures and that certain adventure that spurred them all with thirteen dwarves and a meddling wizard. He could still remember all of the nights where he would stay up and night and just bask in the presence of … Thorin. Oh… Thorin. How he missed him so! Oh and Fili and Kili too. And he guessed that all of his other friends would be nearly going into Mahal’s embrace now.

Bilbo suddenly felt incredibly lonely.

Why did his love for others hurt him so?

He curled further into his already tight blankets. Bilbo closed his eyes trying to seek solace in what his dreams could give him.

His body may be weak but his mind was always strong to give him memories in dreams. Sometimes his dreams were good, sometimes he woke up crying. He could never tell what his mind would give him when he slept, but he accepted each one anyway. Or the ones he could remember anyway. He didn’t know why _Irmo_ gave him these dreams, as many did not make sense.

So as Bilbo curled into himself and let himself drift off into the void of dreaming, he wished that for that day he had good dreams.

 

_The sun was warm on his skin, making Bilbo feel relaxed. He rested on the bench in front on his smial in Bag End. It was the beginning of the New Year tomorrow; he could already hear the celebrations start to be set up although it was only morning. Bilbo smiled, loving this beautiful day already._

_As Bilbo sat in relaxation a sudden squeal brought him to attention._

_“UNCLE BILBO!” Frodo squealed. “SAVE ME!”_

_Bilbo suddenly found himself arms full of little Hobbit. Frodo had jumped up onto the bench and into Bilbo’s lap, wrapping himself around the older Hobbit, his face nuzzled into the curve of Bilbo’s neck. Frodo clung to him like his life depended on it._

_Bilbo chuckled as he arranged Frodo so he could see his face._

_“My dear boy, whatever is the matter?”_

_Frodo buried his head back into Bilbo’s neck as he mumbled._

_“Uncle Thorin was trying to tickle me…”_

_Bilbo smiled as he hugged Frodo close to his chest._

_“I’ll just have to talk to him now won’t I?”_

_As if on cue, the man in question came rushing out of the hobbit-hole. He looked like a man on a mission. His hair was slightly messed up and his casual clothes were all askew._

_“Now, where is that little rascal? Frodo!”  Thorin boomed._

_When Frodo heard Thorin’s voice, he quickly detangled himself from Bilbo and tried to make a run for it. He ran down the path to the gate, but before he made it big arms wrapped around him and picked him up. He squealed even louder as Thorin tickled him like there was no tomorrow._

_“No please, stop. I surrender! I surrender” Frodo wheezed out._

_Still sitting on his bench, Bilbo laughed at the spectacle he was watching. He felt so happy in this moment. Oh, how he loved them both so dearly._

_His husband and his nephew._

_After Thorin finally gave in to Frodo’s pleads, he softly rested him on his hip, and walked up back to Bilbo. Once there, he sat down next to the hobbit. Both of them turning their heads into a soft kiss, like a well synchronised dance. Bilbo let himself fall into the curve of Thorin’s side as Frodo squirmed out of Thorin’s grip and laid himself across both of their laps._

_It was peaceful, as the family of three basked in the light of the sun, watching the rolling green hills in front of them, hobbits wandering around on their own business getting ready for the celebrations._

_Bilbo tilted his head back to look up at his husband. It was a much better view. His face had gained a few lines with age; his hair had a few grey streaks. He was beautiful. They were growing old together and Bilbo absolutely loved it._

_Thorin noticing he was the centre of someone’s attention, glanced down at Bilbo. Bilbo looked up into his eyes, finding things only a lover could._

_“You know that I love you, don’t you Thorin?” Bilbo whispered. Thorin smiled down at him._

_“You have said that enough times for me to know that Bilbo”_

_“Well good, it needs to be said more often” Bilbo slightly nodded, as if confirming it to be a fact._

_“You know that I love you as well” Bilbo blushed slightly at Thorin’s words. All of the times he had heard it and he still blushed like an adolescent!_

_(Frodo by this time had already begun drooling onto Bilbo’s lap)_

_Meanwhile, Thorin leaned down once more and gently took Bilbo’s lips onto his own. Bringing his hand up he gently caressed the hobbit’s face, his own face open and loving; never like it was on the road, or in Erebor._

_Oh._

_Now Bilbo remembered._

_The sky in the Shire quickly turned from a clear sky to a stormy overcast. The world was leached in grey. Frodo had disappeared from his spot. To where, Bilbo feared he did not know._

_Bilbo quickly stood up, walking a few steps away from the bench; his back to Thorin._

_“You died, Thorin” Bilbo said, pain laced into the edges. His head was tilted down._

_“I know”_

_The Hobbit turned back around to face Thorin. The Dwarrows face had closed off but there was still softness in his eyes. His front had begun to blossom red, blood leaking through his clothes. His face gaining bruises and cuts. This was the last image Bilbo ever had of Thorin, while he was still alive._

_Bloody and broken._

_Bilbo wanted to hate him for giving him this grief but he never could. He loved him too much for that._

_“I watched you die”_

_“I know”_

_“I still love you but I don’t want too. It hurts so much when I realise where you are. Not with me but gone. Forever”_

_“I know”_

_“Can’t you say anything else?! I just…. I miss you Thorin” Bilbo began to break down. Tears tracking down his face, sobs threatening to wrack his body.  The atmosphere joined in with the crying hobbit, rain starting to fall from the grey sky above._

_Thorin walked carefully over to Bilbo, raising his arms. When Bilbo didn’t flinch away, he gathered up the breaking hobbit into his arms._

_“I’m sorry Bilbo. I’m so sorry. I miss you as well. Forgive me” The dwarfs own voice was breaking._

_“You daft dwarf, I forgave you long ago”_

_Bilbo returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Thorin’s waist, the rain drenching through them but neither noticed. So thus, the separated couple stood in the rain in each other’s embrace for how long. Well, that was anyone’s guess._

Bilbo woke up in the night in Rivendell feeling colder than he did before. He could hardly remember his dream, the tendrils of consciousness stealing the moments away. He remembered the feeling of love and pain, but he guessed that the two emotions always went hand in hand with each other. 

 Bilbo could still feel the emotions of his dreams though and that… that he would never forget.

Ever.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Irmo - Master of dreams and illusions and such.  
> I have read a lot of stories of Bilbo staying in Erebor, but I could only imagine that Bilbo would imagine Thorin living with him in the Shire with Frodo.


End file.
